February 20, 2012

    Two years ago. Two years ago today, my mom called and told me that she had died. That my little brother had been in the room. That the sixteen-year-old girl I still saw as that adorable seventh grader that never sat still in small group had gone to be with Jesus in heaven, where the pain of cancer wouldn't bother her any more. Just writing that sentence has me in tears. I didn't get a chance to speak to her, to go to her funeral. I was 2, 000 miles away in Indiana.
    Robin, I still grieve over the fact that when I moved to college, I didn't work harder to keep in contact. I became the leader I swore I never would be. One that was around for a year and then moved on. I still ask God to let you know that I love you, that you are still missed. You are the drive behind my pursuit of Lifeline girls. That maybe God can use my bad decision for His good, that what I learned through you can be used to show other middle school girls that God loves them even when the world is telling them they are unworthy of love. I don't want to abandon them like I feel I abandoned you.
    You are the reason behind why I pursue these girls, why I love them so much, why I want to be better. I still have that picture of the four of us, you, Shelley, Anna, and me, up in my house. I want other seventh grade girls to feel a bond like we did. I want God to use me, like He clearly has used you. It's clearly God who is doing this, that two years later, you are still involved with impacting others for the kingdom.
    The last six months, two more teenage girls have passed away because of cancer here in Elkhart. Everywhere I looked, I saw a "Sarah Strong" t-shirt or another sign showing that the town had rallied behind those girls, even after they lost their battle. On Saturday, one of my girls organized a fashion show to benefit Eunice Pena and the American Cancer Society. I couldn't look at the picture of Sarah, because all I saw was you. You with your friends, you with Andrew, you with your parents. I know that God has a perfect plan in all of this, and I just want you to know that it has spilled over from Washington all the way to Elkhart, Indiana. That because of you, I understand the urgency and necessity of loving middle school and high school girls. Because of you, my heart wants to love them without conditions, with the love Jesus has for them. The way you loved others.
    Robin, you have had a profound impact on me, on the life of my brother, on your friends and family. I am proud to say that I spent a year or two getting to live life with you, being goofy with you. I can't wait to see you in heaven. Thank you for your forgiveness, love of life, and love of Christ.

   Jenna